Pork

8:28 And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way.
8:29 And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time?
8:30 And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding.
8:31 So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine.
8:32 And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters.
8:33 And they that kept them fled, and went their ways into the city, and told every thing, and what was befallen to the possessed of the devils.
8:34 And, behold, the whole city came out to meet Jesus: and when they saw him, they besought him that he would depart out of their coasts.

-Matthew

Great move to show of your awes0me exorcism sKiLlz: kill all the livestock the city has.
I guess the last verse actually puts things a bit more candid than it was. Maybe one should think more of pitchforks and sharp blades than of calm pleas to leave. After all: he just got rid of two maybe harmless possessed guys by killing off dozens of animals.
On the other hand: those were swine. If they belonged to Jews, what did they actually do with them? I mean, aren’t Jews forbidden to eat pork? Or did I misunderstand something there?
So maybe they were wild swine. But still: If it was a wild herd: couldn’t he found a better way to dispose of these devils? He is supposed to be the son of God, can’t he just make them, like, go away?
But even if they were wild animals, I guess there is something unsettling about some guru/magician who can make animals kill themselves. It might be a bit unnerving.

Until the even

15:16 And if any man’s seed of copulation go out from him, then he shall wash all his flesh in water, and be unclean until the even.
15:17 And every garment, and every skin, whereon is the seed of copulation, shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the even.
15:18 The woman also with whom man shall lie with seed of copulation, they shall both bathe themselves in water, and be unclean until the even.

god commands…. to have sex in the hot bathtub until dawn? Oh yes, please…
Now that is some command to follow. With that those little blue pills seem to really be a gift from heaven. Seriously, if you, say, have sex in the morning, are you really supposed to spend the whole day in there? And as long as you’re unclean already… you can just try to enjoy it. Just try to be done with it until evening comes. Oh, an put those bedsheets in the laundry, will you?

Natural Use of the Woman

1:26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature:
1:27 And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet.

- Romans I

So,according to Paul there is a “natural use of the woman“, which strikes me as a bit odd… but the author at heart a misogynist, and he doesn’t really see that much in putting the fair sex down. And with that he worked into the hands of uncounted men over the centuries that had dicks as small as their egos and needed someone to let it out at.
I wonder if that wasn’t the true reason why they put his letters into the book. There is a certain trend here, with pornographic poetry in the song of songs, and then some male wish-fulfillment in these letters.
That aside… according to this obviously it is God who makes people have “vile affections” . I’m confused, why should he do that when he wants people to behave according to their nature?
Isn’t that sort of a dick move?
Or is it just Paul bringing in some of his own bias here? It’s God who makes things happen but Paul who makes the decision about wrong or right?

As an aside… I think this is one of the parts of the bible where graphic illustration would be embraced by a certain part of the readership… how else to know what vile affections might be?

So, about that human sacrifice thing…

18:21 And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD.
…
20:2 Again, thou shalt say to the children of Israel, Whosoever he be of the children of Israel, or of the strangers that sojourn in Israel, that giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.
20:3 And I will set my face against that man, and will cut him off from among his people; because he hath given of his seed unto Molech, to defile my sanctuary, and to profane my holy name.
20:4 And if the people of the land do any ways hide their eyes from the man, when he giveth of his seed unto Molech, and kill him not:
20:5 Then I will set my face against that man, and against his family, and will cut him off, and all that go a whoring after him, to commit whoredom with Molech, from among their people.
what?

– Leviticus

So, apparently it’s okay to perform human sacrifice as long as it’s not one of your kids. Who knew?
You might notice that in all this he never actually says NOT to burn people as an offer to Moloch. Just not your own kids.

Terror in the name of God

16:27  Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines were there; and there were upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld while Samson made sport.
16:28 And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord God, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes.
16:29 And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left.
16:30 And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with all his might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than they which he slew in his life.

-Judges 16:27-30

So, let me get this straight? Isn’t that sort of what the terrorists did on 9/11?
He brings down two pillars? He kills nearly the same amount of people?

So the Bible condones this?